Introduction
Many of you ,like I used to be, struggle with neurodivergency. Here’s the good news: in social interactions, you decide how you act. This guide is to help you figure out how not to read as an aspie and how to wear the NT mask when you want to.
Figuring Out Your Tells
Most of us NDcels won’t act NT naturally it’s not how our brains are wired. But you can create the illusion by avoiding obvious ND tells.
Common tells (not exhaustive):
- Trouble holding eye contact
- Nervous/odd body language
- Struggling with social cues (interrupting, monologuing, missing signals)
- Ignoring local social norms (volume, distance, dress, timing)
Eye Contact
People say the eyes are the window to the soul. Either way, if you can’t hold eye contact 2–3 seconds when you catch someone’s gaze, you read as nervous or “off.”Rules:
- Public glance: If you catch someone’s eye, hold ~2 seconds, neutral face, small nod, you can even smile if that helps (trust me this no creepier than not being able to look someone in the eyes)
- In conversation: Aim ~70–80% eye contact while listening, ~50% while speaking. If direct gaze is hard, shift between the eyes or look at the bridge of the nose.
- It will feel too long at first. That’s normal, it becomes automatic with practice.
Body Language
ND discomfort is easily seen through your posture and fidgeting.
Blinking:
- try not to blink too much
- when in public try not to squint, it signas anger or stress
- relaxed eyes shows comfort and content so do not strain or make your eyes appear unrelaxed for whatever reason.
- Feet shoulder-width, weight balanced, shoulders relaxed, chin level.
- Hands visible (not buried). Take up space. Don’t shrink yourself.
- keep your chest / torso open. Don't cover it off with your arms. This makes you look nervous, insecure or weak. Simply hands at side, in pockets, or behind your back at rest (however this can make you look less approachable). Any arm crossing signals antisocial, avoid it.
Sitting:
- Sit relaxed, take space up.
- Hands together in lap or one hand on the table (neutral).
- If you must fidget, move slowly or give your hands a job (ring/pen).
Read the room
- Volume: Match the room.
- Distance: Arm’s length with new people; close only if they do first.
- Hands: Visible between gestures.
- Face: Neutral-to-warm resting face; small smile on greeting/thanks.
On Talking
To people who you don't have close relationships with, avoid poltically hot topics, religion, anything that is not really NT. You can make small talk, like the news, or local news, sports is fantastic, weather is also acceptable.
Make sure you use hand gestures where appropriate, make sure to ask the other person open ended questions (don't over complicate it, just invite them to talk)
When finished talking don't just go , say along the lines of "i gotta get back to it, nice catching up with you! See you around".
Try not to go off on an autistic monologue about your self interests, a good rule of thumb is if you can make the conversation about the other person, they will enjoy it and you won't have to think of things to say too much.
Who asks the questions is in control of the conversation,
I know that you may take that too literally, so please don't interrogate the other person. Watch how social interactions go with normies and try and keep the questions, talking and dynamics as similar as that!
If you are not getting in depth responses, read the room. They probably don't wanna talk. Get back to it.
Conclusions
This is a high-level starter. The goal: spot the habits that give away ND and practice eliminating this tell until the basics feel natural. Improvement = daily practice + small tweaks. Put in time every day. And eventually appearing neurodivergent will appear less and less in your day to day life, most people will see you as completely normal.
